It has been nearly a week and the laundry situation has not gotten any better. In fact it might be worst. I spent a little bit of the weekend cleaning, and then watch it get destroyed in an instant when my boyfriend walked through the door. A day of slightly hard work, but mostly willing the room to clean itself, down the drain. I tried to find the motivation to re-clean but instead I just curled up in a ball and snuggled. Even more frustrating is the fact that now it is cold. I can't help but find myself just wanting to curl up in some warm blankets with some hot chocolate and watching my life slowly pass me by. None of my projects are getting done. None of my rooms are getting any cleaner. None of the clutter is miraculously disappearing from tables. Instead I am creating more of a mess by trying to drink hot chocolate while laying down and spilling on myself. On the plus side, I now know that BBQ sauce, canned cheese, ground poke and mini squashes can be made into a delicious meal...thanks Chopped.

Life in Progress

This is what the master bathroom has looked like for the past year
Yes, it is usually that messy

I have come to terms with the realization that I am going to be living in a trailer for the next few years of my life. At first, a kind of old, a little run down and super outdated living space seemed to fit the lifestyle I was living. But then my mother came to visit and pointed out everything that I had been avoiding. Things weren't as clean as I seemed to think that they were, and nothing was organized. It is not ok to fear people coming over because you know that the rug that you have in your living room is disgusting. This prompted me to completely transform my house. Mind you, I have not cleaned but instead decided to rearrange, paint and remodel the rooms of my house. This has in fact left my house messier and more disorganized then when I started, but at least I feel it is slightly more modern...well at least the walls and back-splash in the bathroom look a little better. But somehow me trying to get more modern has turned into me forget to pay attention to the little things like laundry and dishes. At least my bathroom looks great though.


Here it is almost done!
Just needs to get cleaned...

I am keeping my fingers crossed that the absence of my boyfriend this weekend will leave me plenty of time to focus on cleaning up the ENTIRE house. That is unless I get distracted by something really important, life a great movie on SyFy or Lifetime. I can already tell that this will be yet another unproductive weekend.


Life

The last couple of months have been difficult. Becoming an adult was not as exciting as I thought that it would be. At first I thought that it would be great to have my own place and decorate it just the way I wanted. And it would always be so beautiful and clean. This has not ended up to be the case. As it turns out, acquiring all the things that I would like actually cost a great deal of money...a lot of money that I don't have. Also once I think I have a room going the way I would like it, I remember that the carpet in my house is blue and goes with nothing, so that is fun. And every room in my house needs painted because lavender and pinkish-beige are not really colors that I enjoy looking at every second of my life. Such upgrades as painting ended up costing a great deal more then I would have ever thought (I thought that a gallon of paint costed a lot closer to $10).
The other thing that never occurred to me is that there is a very good chance that the person that I am with will hate cleaning as much as I do. This means that dishes, vacuuming and laundry tend to pile up a lot quicker since there are now two people who refuse to clean. And twice as much stuff to clean. Despite my best intentions, I can never seem to be able to keep a clean house...and even when I think that it is clean, it still looks like shit. So basically what I am saying is that I am a slob.
As far as fat goes, I just love food and find myself have a horribly unhealthy relationship with anything edible. If people eat it, I will try it, and probably way more than I need as well. I actually gained weight on WW because I would lie about the things that I eat in order to have lower points...and then got angry because I didn't lose anything. Also ice cream is AMAZING and I love it.
I was going to write lazy in the title as well but that is one category that I don't think that I fall into. While I do watch a lot of T.V. I still try and do as many things as possible. I enjoy running and being outdoors. I love to do crafts, which might explain why my house is way to cluttered...

Weight

These last few months have been extremely difficult for me concerning my weight. I have always struggled with me weight and have been through many ups and downs. For as long as I can remember, I have been the heaviest of my friends and usually one of the biggest in the room. I tried my best to not let this effect me and feel like I have made the best of my size for the majority of my life. But lately I have allowed my weight to spiral out of control. Larges no longer fit and I had to buy a size 14 pant. I in no way want to insult anyone who is this size because many woman look beautiful at this size. Unfortunately I don't believe that I am one of them. I look in the mirror and see fat, my face is not one that I recognize and I cannot stand to remain unhealthy. I try to live a fairly active lifestyle, yet I find myself feeling uncomfortable in my workout clothes and becoming tired far sooner than I used to. I weigh 215 lbs and am extremely disappointed in myself for allowing this to happen. I blame a great deal of this on my laziness over the past winter; my unwillingness to go to the gym, never wanting to cook meals and instead going to restaurants. This is a very difficult thing for me to admit, I feel like revealing ones weight is difficult for a woman no matter what her size, but this is exactly why I am doing this. I need people to know because I can't keep letting things continue in the direction that they are going. Instead I need to stand up and say that I want to make a change but I need help staying accountable to myself.

Bucket List

Lately I have been feeling restless and am trying my best to figure out how to kill this feeling. So what I came up with is a bucket list. Really I just need something to keep me occupied and make me feel like I am accomplishing things.

1. Go rock climbing in Vedauwoo

2. Go mountain biking

3. Scuba dive

4. Lose 30 lbs

5. Get a colorful tattoo

6. Learn conversational Spanish

7. Get out of Credit Card debt

8. Perfect a soup recipe

9. Be a bridesmaid

10. Re-wear a bridesmaid dress

11. Plant a garden

12. Get on a "kiss cam"

13. Visit Europe

14. Visit South America

15. Visit all 50 states

16. Have a photo go viral

17. Ride bike to Colorado

18. Learn Burlesque

19. Get a stamp on my passport

20. Throw a "grown up" party

21. Learn to fish

22. Go fly fishing

23. Knit a sweater

24. Crochet a blanket

25. Swim in every ocean
26. Spend one week unplugged
27. Dance like no one is watching
28. Learn more sign language
29. Run 11 races in one summer
30. Run half marathon in 2 hrs and 45 minuets
31. Run 5k in under 30 minuets

An apology

We are getting ready for the end of a beautiful summer and the beginning of a long winter. It is only October and they are forecasting snow. I can't help but wonder why I moved to a place like this, and then I look out the second store window of Night Herring at the Old Buckhorn Bar and remember why I agreed to it. The first few weeks were extremely difficult but I am slowly beginning to feel more and more at home. I now have a favorite bar: The Ruffed Up Duck, a favorite diner: The Prairie Rose, a place to go to get cute birthday cards: Poppy, and I know where to got to get the best pizza: Crow Bar. And I have yet to kill my boyfriend, which is likely due in part to the fact that our schedules tend to conflict quite a bit. So Laramie, I owe you an apology. I came here thinking that you had nothing to offer me, only to realize that this is the first time in quite a long time that I feel at home.

Almost done

It has need a long, adventures and beautiful summer. But the leaves have started to change colors and the hail storms have started, which has given me a great deal of time to finally start cleaning up the trailer. And so that is what I have been doing for the last three days. I have done nine loads of laundry, made two trips to Walmart, two loads of dishes, washed the dog, filled five trash bags and vacuumed every room twice, but I must say the place looks good. And I am so close to being done. I have to say the bedroom looks good and I am finally willing to show off my room. Yes I made that headboard and yes, I did mount those antlers. .

And now I only have a little more to do in the living room, kitchen and laundry room, which should only take until next Tuesday